Lenten Day Twenty-two: Brené Brown

March 6, 2024

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”  Brené Brown

If you aren’t familiar with Brené Brown, take a look at her website where she describes herself as a “researcher, storyteller, and (currently enraged) Texan who’s spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy” (https://brenebrown.com/. )  I’ve read two of her books, Daring Greatly and Rising Strong, and they are game-changers in how to understand and be compassionate to ourselves, sometimes the hardest task of our lives.

“Everybody has a story.”  I first heard this statement from a priest who was speaking to someone who had a complaint about the behavior of another parishioner, and that was his simple and honest reply:  “Everybody has a story.”  That’s all he said.  It was all he needed to say. I was struck by how much truth and insight were in that short response.  Just as we each have our own crosses, as I mentioned in Monday’s blog, we each have a story. Mine is the story of my life, my family of origin, my upbringing, my teen years, my young adulthood, my marriage and motherhood, my various vocations, my aging, my doubts, my convictions, and more.  You have yours, as well.  Our stories contain joy, love, and successes and despair, anger, and failures.

Our stories also often impact how we respond (or react) in any given situation.  When we can remember that each person is operating from her or his own story, we can become more understanding and compassionate.  Maybe we won’t curse the driver that cuts us off or takes “our” parking space, and maybe we will be more patient with a surly co-worker, and maybe, even, we will try harder to love the person with whom we have a disagreement or that person who simply annoys us.  Maybe we will even love our neighbor. 

But what about offering understanding and compassion to and for our own stories?  It is so tempting to bury, ignore, judge or abuse those parts of our stories that we just can’t handle, that embarrass, anger, grieve, or shame us.  Have you ever noticed the things you say to yourself that you would never say to someone that you loved?  Those words come from the parts of our stories that Brown encourages us to own and to love.  And yes, owning and loving do take courage because of the false belief that we will only be loved if we are perfect.

The Great Commandment that crosses many religions is love for neighbor.  Jesus the Christ adds love of self, too.  In loving ourselves, we will find that nothing in our lives has been wasted.  All of it has shaped who we are today.  Any cracks or fissures only make us more beautiful because they make us more real. As songwriter/composer Leonard Cohen so famously and poignantly wrote:

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.

Be blessed in your loveliness ~ Rosemary

Lyrics from “Anthem”